November 24, 2021

Why didn’t he kiss me on the second date?

What if you’ve just finished a perfect 2nd date, he walked you home and said goodbye…and then…nothing?! You might be wondering ‘why didn’t he kiss me on the second date’?

There are two reasons as to why he didn’t kiss you on the second date. They are:
i) He likes you, but is still working out if you’d prefer to be asked to be kissed or if he should just go for it.
ii) He’s (unfortunately) not interested. By not kissing you, he’s not leading you on (which is a good thing).

The good news is that if a guy is on a second date with you, the former is much more likely than the latter. Indeed, if you two have already planned a third date, it’s almost certain that he’s just being patient.

In today’s blog, we’re going to discuss the research around second date kisses as well as describing our approach for finding out how that perfect first kiss should be done!

Kissing statistics!

In a study by the New York Post of 2,000 US adults, it was found that the average couple in 2017 waited until the second date for their first kiss. Whilst tradition states that first kisses happen on first dates, just 17% of individuals in the survey said they would always kiss on the first date (good chemistry is assumed of course).

Why didn't he kiss me on the second date?

Lisa and Scott kissed on their first date, however, some context here is required. We had known each other for a long time as friends so kissing on the first date felt natural – if you’ve only just met your date, it makes sense that you might want to wait until the second, third or even fourth date.

(For the record, Lisa wouldn’t even have a second date with someone who didn’t kiss on the first date! Scott would but he would be much less enthusiastic about the potential for a relationship).

These trends are largely based on factors such as personality and the chemistry of the two on a date. We (Lisa and Scott) are very direct individuals, so when we were single (if we liked someone) we had no hesitations about letting that be known. Of course, some individuals are less direct and so approach this wouldn’t work for them.

So for everyone, there is a ‘right answer’ as to how to do the first kiss but it varies depending on their personality, likes and the chemistry between you too.

We recently saw a Reddit study which involved a survey of about 300 participants.

The results were:
⦁ 47% of women surveyed wanted to be asked for a kiss (1% were extremely adamant about this).
⦁ 24% wanted the guy to kiss without asking.
⦁ 29% believe both approaches are ok.

If we consider these stats for a moment, approximately twice as many women want permission sought for a kiss versus those who don’t want to be asked – and getting it wrong can be problematic.

When Lisa and Scott first kissed, he took the view that as a highly independent woman with strong opinions on women’s right to consent, she would be in the ‘ask’ category. However this wasn’t correct, she’s actually the type who wanted the man to take the lead and kiss without asking.

Clearly, this mistake wasn’t a deal-breaker (since we’re happily married!) But it’s hard to get it right without being able to read your date’s mind! So it’s no wonder that conscientious men may wait for another date or two to see which category you fit into – and thus have the perfect first kiss!

Second date kiss

How to know if your date wants to be kissed

Fella’s, ladies communicate their desire to be kissed through body language, preparation and sometimes, she’ll just ask ‘So, when are you going to kiss me?’

Common signs she wants to be kissed at the end of a date:
⦁ She moves well into your personal space.
⦁ Strong eye contact with smiling.
⦁ Flicking hair whilst talking to you.
⦁ Biting/licking her lips whilst making strong eye contact.
⦁ Asking if you have any breath mints/chewing gum.
⦁ Re-applying her lipstick at the end of the date.

For the ladies, you can of course apply the above signs to let your date know that you’re ready for a kiss.

How to know how your date wants to be kissed

As we’ve described above, different women want different things when it comes to the first kiss. Unfortunately, it’s very difficult to tell so early on in the relationship what will work.

So what should we do?

For the fellas, asking your date, ‘so when we have our first kiss, should I ask you for permission or should I just go for it?’ Might seem just a little on the weird side! We can get the same information with a more subtle question.

For example, when getting to know your date (e.g. maybe on the first date), just ask about their favorite first kiss ever. Naturally, a key part of this story will be whether they were asked or not.

Pro-tip: Be careful to steer the conversation back away from discussions about prior relationships. It’s not a sexy topic at all for a first or even second date!

For the ladies, there’s nothing stopping you from asking your date about the story of their favorite first kiss ever. This gives more insight into their personality but also what their expectations are. If they’ve always asked for permission but you’d prefer a more direct approach, this is the perfect time to make that hint.

There are some complications to keep in mind here. Many college campuses, institutions or even countries consider a man going for a kiss without permission as a form of harassment. In such circumstances, this is the time to err on the side of caution. When in doubt, err on the side of asking for permission!

To sum it up

It’s incredible that such a small expression of affection ends up being such a complicated topic!

In today’s blog, we’ve discussed why your date might be hesitating to make a move for the first kiss as well as how to let each other know when and how you want to be kissed.

We wish you the best for your next date and hope you get the chance to ‘pucker up’ 😉 !

Speaking of the next date, do you need some date ideas which are perfect for kissing? Well, we’ve written a blog just for you! You can find it here.